Q: I tend to get "waves" of problems. These are external to me, I have no control over them. Many of these situations are on-going with major flare-ups off and on. Seems all flare-ups happen at about the same time. These distractions make maintaining focus on myself for health, weight and exercise improvements unmanageable. Any ideas on how to stop being influenced by these kinds of situations?

A: Yours is an example of why having a fitness regimen that relies on a time and space compartmentalization (the gym 1 hour a day, 5 times a week, for example) falls apart when life gets real. The big but simple answer is that you must make life your gym. The gym must never be responsible for being the only source of fitness.

Being of a clear mind from a simple walk or run around the block is fitness for both mind and body. You must be in control of your health at all times, and you can be if you think of wellness as an inner strength, rather than a weakness that is too vunerable to outside factors.

Q: I'm a 42-year-old mother of four. I have a had a really hard life. I have bounced back from everything. People always say how remarkable I am. I tell them that everyone has troubles and I'm no different. About two years ago I went through a REALLY rough time, now it seems I just don't care anymore. I know what I should be doing and just can't for the life of me just go do it. I so want to be there for my family, I just feel like I have no drive or feelings. It's like I have nothing more to give. What can I do? I'm not sure if this is the type of question you answer, but lol I asked anyways.

A: OK, since you aren't being specific let me just say this. You aren't a terrible person for not having "it" to give your loved ones at any given time, and I'm willing to bet that it's because you haven't given "it" to yourself. And this is the advice I give to moms, dads and caretakers: In order to give care, you must take care ... of yourself.

You have not taken care of your mind, body and spirit. Therefore you have nothing to give. It isn't a question of drive, because you are clearly thinking about your lack of desire to be there for your family. The well has run dry, baby. And you must have what others perceive as "selfish" time to re-fill it.

So make arrangements to get away, to indulge yourself, to revive your humor and spirit. Then come home and teach what you have learned about yourself to your kids. Yours is an important lesson of resilience. Good luck!