Writes Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey, a book of daily meditations, "To forgive another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, 'I no longer hold your offense against you.' But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the 'offended one.'…Forgiveness, therefore, liberates not only the other but also ourselves."
Each of us has hundreds of circuits of connected energy, which the Indians call prana and the Chinese call ch'i. Christians call it grace or the Holy Spirit, and secularists call it the life force or vitality. According to Caroline Myss, PhD, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Why People Don't Heal: And How They Can, this life force is equally available to all of us. She calls this our "cellular bank account." She writes: "Holding on to the negative events of our histories is expensive — prohibitively so." And forgiveness, she says, is the only way to get out of debt.
In addition to granting forgiveness, you will find equal comfort in learning to ask another for forgiveness. This is especially important in intimate relationships; in fact, it is one of the keys to a lasting relationship. You may have to pray or ask for courage to ask for forgiveness.
2. Practice gratitude. Every day, record in a journal three things you are grateful for, such as your health, your friendships, your pet. Then, at the end of one month, spend some time in mindful contemplation "counting your blessings" aloud, and reflecting on each one.
Another practice: each day, write down something you are grateful for that you never thought about before. This practice, suggested by Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Carmelite monk, will awaken your senses and impart a subtlety and depth to the way you look at the world.
Meals offer a salutary opportunity to express gratitude for life-giving nourishment. Say grace and then eat slowly, savoring every bite. Prepare your table free of newspapers and clutter. Use the "good" dishes every day, with colors and patterns that please you. If you are eating alone, celebrate and savor this special time. If you are dining with a companion, make it a time of heart-felt sharing and give-and-take, not a chance to catch up on the stock market and news of the day. Observe the sense of peace that comes from this practice.
3. Demonstrate appreciation. According to researchers at the HeartMath Institute, a think-tank in Colorado, "Sincere appreciation, not just a cursory or contrived gesture, is a powerful motivator. A simple act of appreciating someone for a job they've done, for their commitment, or for simply being who they are, adds a boost of energy that pays big dividends." In a work environment, "Always try to express as much or more sincere appreciation as you do criticism for the people you manage."
The same goes for home life. Be sure you are expressing enough appreciation for your partner, your children or anyone else who shares your home (including your animal friends). Counselor Kevin Buck, MS, challenges his clients by asking them: "Are you doing enough appreciation so that when something challenging comes up it is bathed in a positive environment? Appreciation is like having a savings account for a rainy day."
4. Give and receive. The act of giving requires you to give of your time, talent and especially your caring to another. As Mother Teresa says in her book, A Simple Path, "It is not how much you do but how much love you put into the doing and sharing with others that is important."
