Katrina, who is featured in the Discovery Health show Transgender Teens, was born a male but is currently living as a female. Unlike many of the teens living their lives as the opposite sex, though, Katrina has the support of her family.

Three years after she discovered her son was transgender, Emilie is still adjusting to the change. But she is happy to report that things are going fairly well. Twenty-year-old Stefan, who now goes by the name Katrina, is living on her own, taking female hormones and working hard to find full-time employment and support herself financially. She has a strong base of emotional support from her mom and sisters.

Getting there wasn't easy though — for Katrina or her family. Emilie faced the dual challenge of coming to terms with her own feelings while at the same time trying to support her child and help him find happiness as a woman. We talked to Emilie recently about the process of understanding her son's feelings and aiding his transformation to live life as a female. Here is what she had to say:

Q:		How and when did you find out that your son was identifying more as a female than a male?
A:		I think I had always sensed that something was a little different, particularly when she was in her teens. But the first time it was made really clear to me was in an email — at times my kids and I have actually emailed back and forth about things that were going on in their lives even though they were living in the house. So Stefan, at the time, was writing me about some things that were going on and said "think of me as your daughter." That was the first time it was semi-clear, but even then I wasn't thinking in that vein. I was thinking maybe he was gay. It's sort of funny looking back because the whole impact of it didn't hit me right away, but I remember that it really stuck in my mind. It was such a big statement. That was about three years ago.

---

Q:		What was your initial reaction?
A:		I don't think I fully took it in, but I was comprehending it as a possibility for a while. I guess it just seemed very complicated to me because I wasn't sure of what his, or her, sexual orientation and proclivities and desires were and how she wanted to live in the future. So all that was really unclear for a while. And that is just my understanding of it. When you talk to her, you realize that it goes back far longer than three years ago.

---

Q:		How has your understanding progressed since then?
A:		I guess just slowly, because over time it just became more clear and her dressing in what is typically considered female clothing became more apparent. Over time I became more aware of what was going on and supportive of it, but it happened sort of gradually.

---

Q:		What were some of the questions that you had?
A:		My first questions were, "Are you sure? I mean, you're only this old and you've had very little experience in life. How do you know? How are you sure? Is this a passing phase?" I was really trying to be sensitive about it, so I didn't voice those questions at the time, but they were on my mind.

---

Q:		Did you find answers to those questions?
A:		I did and it was really helpful talking to her because she said some things that really hit me regarding the depth of her feelings — of realizing that she's really identifying with the sex that others didn't identify her as. Just in the past year she said to me that she's always dreamt of herself as a female. That just blew me away. I just thought how incredible it is that your mind should, in an unconscious state, be dreaming of yourself as a woman. So comments like that hit really heavily. And then she was talking about how in first and second grade all of her best friends were girls. She didn't really play with boys. And that is true. I never thought anything of it at the time, but looking back it makes sense.

---

Q:		What kinds of things did you do to help yourself understand and react to the situation better?
A:		I think just thinking of the past made it all come together. So it seemed more understandable to me. And when I saw articles in the news about it I would read them. Also, I have some friends who are gay, so they happen to be very open to this sort of thing and it was helpful talking to them. I knew that Katrina was dealing with issues that weren't completely easy either, so as a parent I wanted to be helpful.

---

Q:		Do you feel comfortable today with your son living as a woman?
A:		I do. It wasn't all there at first, though. It really came slowly, because in the beginning I remember just seeing her in a skirt walking around the house and I just felt really aware of it, really conscious of it. I remember one time we were eating dinner together, just the two of us, and she was dressed as a woman and I suddenly realized I wasn't even conscious of it. I remember thinking, how cool that it feels so natural. But I continue to feel that life is more difficult because she is living this course. Finding employment and finding social acceptance and just the day-to-day life in a reasonably small community is definitely more difficult. I'll go out with her and feel that: We'll go to grocery store and we've had people make comments or do double takes. To know that she is living that every day is difficult.

---

Q:		How difficult was it for you to get to the level of comfort you have today, and what helped you get there?
A:		I just think it took time. And like I said, I was lucky to be able to talk to the people I am closest to, both friends and relatives, and they are accepting. If I had been met with everyone saying how horrible it is, I think it would have been more difficult for me. Even still, I am a little protective about how I broach the topic with others. I want Katrina to be well-regarded so I'm protective about throwing out the information, especially to people I think will have a knee-jerk reaction.

---

Q:		What has been the hardest part of dealing with Katrina's situation?
A:		I think just knowing society's reactions and some of the horrible things that can happen, like hate crimes. When she lived here with me, if she was out late or I didn't hear her come in, I'd be worried. She's very savvy about it, but there has been some harassment so I do worry about her sometimes.

---

Q:		What kinds of things did you do to help Katrina transition to living life as a woman?
A:		It's hard to pinpoint all the little ways I might have helped. I did go out with her in public many times. In particular, I'd go shopping with her when she was looking for women's clothes, and I passed some of my own down to her. I also bought a sewing machine; she's creative, and so she re-made some garments. And prior to her being put in touch with a free clinic in San Francisco, I bought her first supply of an artificial type of hormone available in health food stores. She used those for a little while prior to getting her actual prescription for female hormones.

---

Q:		How is the rest of the family handling it?
A:		Her sisters have been very understanding and supportive, so that has been great. Her dad has a very difficult time with it. We are separated and he and Katrina are estranged. I feel really bad for Katrina about that because it has got to be really rough on a child to feel rejected for being who they are. Katrina also has a younger brother and I think that reaction is a little more subtle, but it's painful too. I know he loves Katrina but it's difficult for him — there's a lot that has to happen there and I hope it does.

---

Q:		What advice do you have for other parents of transgender teens?
A:		I guess to reach out as much as they can to other people who they feel might be supportive. And also to remember that this is your child first and foremost, even before this child is a particular gender. They truly are the same person they were before you knew this about them. In my mind rejection isn't the answer.

---

Q:		Anything else you'd like to add?
A:		I'm really glad that the issue seems to be getting more publicity. I think sometimes something seems shocking at first, but when you understand that you're not alone with it and that there are lots of other transgender folks out there you don't feel so isolated. There is a whole other world out there and it has been helpful to see that and know that.

---