How One Mother Came to Terms With Her Son's Transgender Identity (cont'd)
By Christina Breda Antoniades
Q: How difficult was it for you to get to the level of comfort you have today, and what helped you get there?
A: I just think it took time. And like I said, I was lucky to be able to talk to the people I am closest to, both friends and relatives, and they are accepting. If I had been met with everyone saying how horrible it is, I think it would have been more difficult for me. Even still, I am a little protective about how I broach the topic with others. I want Katrina to be well-regarded so I'm protective about throwing out the information, especially to people I think will have a knee-jerk reaction.
Q: What has been the hardest part of dealing with Katrina's situation?
A: I think just knowing society's reactions and some of the horrible things that can happen, like hate crimes. When she lived here with me, if she was out late or I didn't hear her come in, I'd be worried. She's very savvy about it, but there has been some harassment so I do worry about her sometimes.
Q: What kinds of things did you do to help Katrina transition to living life as a woman?
A: It's hard to pinpoint all the little ways I might have helped. I did go out with her in public many times. In particular, I'd go shopping with her when she was looking for women's clothes, and I passed some of my own down to her. I also bought a sewing machine; she's creative, and so she re-made some garments. And prior to her being put in touch with a free clinic in San Francisco, I bought her first supply of an artificial type of hormone available in health food stores. She used those for a little while prior to getting her actual prescription for female hormones.
Q: How is the rest of the family handling it?
A: Her sisters have been very understanding and supportive, so that has been great. Her dad has a very difficult time with it. We are separated and he and Katrina are estranged. I feel really bad for Katrina about that because it has got to be really rough on a child to feel rejected for being who they are. Katrina also has a younger brother and I think that reaction is a little more subtle, but it's painful too. I know he loves Katrina but it's difficult for him — there's a lot that has to happen there and I hope it does.
Q: What advice do you have for other parents of transgender teens?
A: I guess to reach out as much as they can to other people who they feel might be supportive. And also to remember that this is your child first and foremost, even before this child is a particular gender. They truly are the same person they were before you knew this about them. In my mind rejection isn't the answer.
Q: Anything else you'd like to add?
A: I'm really glad that the issue seems to be getting more publicity. I think sometimes something seems shocking at first, but when you understand that you're not alone with it and that there are lots of other transgender folks out there you don't feel so isolated. There is a whole other world out there and it has been helpful to see that and know that.
