How One Mother Came to Terms With Her Son's Transgender Identity (cont'd)
By Christina Breda Antoniades
Q: How has your understanding progressed since then?
A: I guess just slowly, because over time it just became more clear and her dressing in what is typically considered female clothing became more apparent. Over time I became more aware of what was going on and supportive of it, but it happened sort of gradually.
Q: What were some of the questions that you had?
A: My first questions were, "Are you sure? I mean, you're only this old and you've had very little experience in life. How do you know? How are you sure? Is this a passing phase?" I was really trying to be sensitive about it, so I didn't voice those questions at the time, but they were on my mind.
Q: Did you find answers to those questions?
A: I did and it was really helpful talking to her because she said some things that really hit me regarding the depth of her feelings — of realizing that she's really identifying with the sex that others didn't identify her as. Just in the past year she said to me that she's always dreamt of herself as a female. That just blew me away. I just thought how incredible it is that your mind should, in an unconscious state, be dreaming of yourself as a woman. So comments like that hit really heavily. And then she was talking about how in first and second grade all of her best friends were girls. She didn't really play with boys. And that is true. I never thought anything of it at the time, but looking back it makes sense.
Q: What kinds of things did you do to help yourself understand and react to the situation better?
A: I think just thinking of the past made it all come together. So it seemed more understandable to me. And when I saw articles in the news about it I would read them. Also, I have some friends who are gay, so they happen to be very open to this sort of thing and it was helpful talking to them. I knew that Katrina was dealing with issues that weren't completely easy either, so as a parent I wanted to be helpful.
Q: Do you feel comfortable today with your son living as a woman?
A: I do. It wasn't all there at first, though. It really came slowly, because in the beginning I remember just seeing her in a skirt walking around the house and I just felt really aware of it, really conscious of it. I remember one time we were eating dinner together, just the two of us, and she was dressed as a woman and I suddenly realized I wasn't even conscious of it. I remember thinking, how cool that it feels so natural. But I continue to feel that life is more difficult because she is living this course. Finding employment and finding social acceptance and just the day-to-day life in a reasonably small community is definitely more difficult. I'll go out with her and feel that: We'll go to grocery store and we've had people make comments or do double takes. To know that she is living that every day is difficult.
