LaVonna's Story: Reaching Out to Transgender Teens (cont'd)
By Christina Breda Antoniades
Q: Do most of them get any emotional support from their family?
A: A lot of people I was advising did not have family support. I did have family support. I thought that it would help to advise people because they knew that I had been living on the streets and they could see that my life took a positive turn. But it didn't work because too many of them got locked into bubbles — the bubble of drugs or prostitution or promiscuous sex — and they lost hope.
Q: What advice would you give parents and families of transgender teens?
A: I think the most important thing for the parents, siblings and the transgendered teen to remember is that everyone's feelings are valid. It's important to start from a place where everyone agrees to respect each other's feelings. If you start from there, everything will be OK.
Q: Why are so many transgender individuals on the streets, and what are some of the things you used to counsel them about?
A: I tried to advise them in a positive direction, because my life took a positive turn. I even made being on the streets a positive thing, I didn't look at that negatively at all. To me, that was just a great big step for me to become the adult woman, the successful woman living on my own today. So the thing that's most important to me is not why they are on the street but what happens to them when they do end up on the streets — the decisions that they make. Being on the streets is not the end. You're 16, 17, maybe 19 years old — that's not the end. You have a whole huge life ahead of you, and you have to keep it in perspective when you're out there. You don't want to get caught into a bubble — of drugs or prostitution or another bubble. Once you're reeled into that, you can't get out. So you have to be very aware, very observant. I was an abused child. I was paranoid, so I watched and feared everything. Not that I was afraid of everything, but I was very objective.
Q: And what advice do you have for transgender youths — whether they're on the streets or not — trying to come to terms with their feelings?
A: My advice is that you don't necessarily have to "come to terms" with who you are — just be yourself and just do it. If you wait too long, it might be too late. Don't try to conform to anyone's ideal of what a woman should be or what a man should be. People do not understand. What they will make you do is create a character and try to be that character, and then that is going to fall apart when you are 35 or 40 years old because you'll realize that you're being someone you are not. So if you feel that you are a woman, then you are a woman. Just know that and live your life with respect and dignity and class.
Q: I'm sure many transgender people have heard others say that being transgender is a choice or a phase. What is your reaction when you hear that?
A: It's funny. Nobody would choose to feel one way and be born another. No one would choose to live like that. It is not a choice. It's not about sexuality; it's about identity. You have to use intelligence and maturity with the matter. Get to know the person on an inner level — forget the outside for a minute — and then draw your own conclusions. But understand that no one would choose that. God works in mysterious ways, and maybe the miracle is not in the person changing but in unobjective and close-minded people accepting transgender people.
