Q:   You have strong religious beliefs. How has Julia's death affected those beliefs?
A:   I'm not mad or angry with God. I just didn't agree with the decision. I don't question him — I'm not looking for an answer. I still want my wife every day. I have no new dreams yet, so it's hard to connect emotionally with God. I read the Bible and pray every day and ask God to help me. Julia, of course, had to deal with believing whether God was good or not. The question clearly was: "Why would he allow something like this to happen?" But Julia and I both agreed before she died that God is good and that he loved us, but we could not begin to figure out how he thinks or how he makes decisions. I do believe — and I know Julia would believe this, too — that she's in a better place.

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Q:   How have you been coping with Julia's loss in these short weeks since her death?
A:   I've been reading grief books, and I'm also going to start grief counseling. Grief is a learning process. No one grieves the same way. Many of my friends expect me to be more of a "doomsdayer." While the person I was most passionate about is gone, life is not horrible. Life is quite good. It's a matter of getting some passion back. My No. 1 fear has been forgetting any memories of my wife. I'm planning to go away for a weekend to think how much my life has changed and how much I loved my wife. I'm committed to figuring out the healthiest way to remember Julia forever. Life does go on, and I can't stop life, but that doesn't mean I have to forget Julia. I'm working on photo albums and videos so I can create a living library for myself and for my son.

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Q:   How has your outlook on life changed as a result of your ordeal with illness and death?
A:   I make the best of the day because I realize now — more fully than before — that that's all that you may get. I also used to be a procrastinator; now I move on things more quickly. I also value being close to people. Instead of having 50 associates, I prefer to have 10 really good friends. Before, I prided myself on independence, thinking I didn't need anyone — that I didn't need any help. Now I realize that I need people all of the time.

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