How to Manage Your Boss
Marilyn Puder-York, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in New York who specializes in workplace stress issues.
Q: How do you manage the prototypical "difficult boss?"
A: Successfully managing a difficult boss is a challenge but often feasible. First, you should try to understand the reasons for your boss's difficult behavior. Assuming that your boss generally behaves in a fairly reasonable manner, and his or her difficult behavior seems to be a result of stress overload rather than character, chances are good that the behavior can be modified. If your boss's behavior seems to reflect a chronically hostile, abusive style of interacting regardless of the amount of stress in the workplace, the chances are less positive that the behavior can change. In fact, you may want to consider seeking counsel from a trusted mentor or human resources professional to evaluate your options.
Second, you have to manage your own negative emotions regarding your boss's behavior so that you don't engage in self-defeating behavior (e.g. stonewalling, or counterattacking your boss).
Third, once you understand and have managed your own negative reactions, you may work to communicate your concerns — as long as they are framed in a helpful, positive manner, thereby creating an atmosphere for problem resolution.
Q: If you feel you've been criticized unfairly by your boss, what's the best way to confront him or her with your concerns?
A: You should discuss your concerns — not confront your boss. There is a difference. You need to carry out the discussion of your concerns in a non-adversarial way. Like a marriage, you should try to handle your complaints in a manner that does not do further damage to your relationship.
Q: What's the best way to respond to criticism from your boss?
A: Try to see the criticism as valuable information about how to do better, not as a personal attack. Try to separate your personal ego from your business persona. Try hard to control your impulses to react emotionally or defensively. Try to see the criticism as an opportunity to work together with your boss on a development plan. See yourself as a partner with your boss on this plan, rather than as a victim of a power struggle.
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