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 If a man's proclivity for risky behavior — or perhaps "recklessness" is the better term — is wired into him, is trying to save him a lost cause? Not at all. I believe it's a matter of consciousness-raising: getting men to start thinking about risk and devising interventions to keep them from doing crazy stunts, driving drunk, having unsafe sex, or engaging in other Neanderthal-like behavior.
Here's my advice to men:
- Choose sports or physical exercises that channel your competitive drive.
- Learn responsible use of automobiles, motorcycles, and other vehicles, and good driving skills.
- Everybody has an internal gauge of danger, including guys. Listen to it, and don't put your — or others' — lives at risk. Just one millisecond of a screw-up on your part when driving, operating machinery, or working around the house, and you'll be one of the male statistics this year.
- Avoid the use and abuse of destructive substances. Tobacco, alcohol, and illicit drugs have a range of deleterious effects on the body. Alcohol is known to be associated with about one-third of suicides. It is a key factor in accidents of all types and plays a role in many homicides.
- Get an annual checkup and listen to your doctor. You understand your need for tuning your car's engine on a regular basis, and you're careful to buy new tires before the treads become paper-thin, but your attitude toward your body might be one of benign neglect. I've seen men live with medical problems until they escalate beyond easy management. An illness that could have been treated without difficulty if caught early is allowed to become serious, even life-threatening.
- Be a responsible sexual partner. To avoid the risk of HIV infection, AIDS, and other sexually transmitted diseases, stick to one faithful partner, or at least use a condom to help protect yourself from potentially deadly infections.
- Take care of your emotional and mental health. It's important to have a social network of good friends who can sustain you in times of crisis, especially in times of loss and grief.
- Don't be shy about seeking professional help if you feel depressed, and that means feeling lousy, empty, unmotivated, or detached from the people around you. Men are reluctant to acknowledge these feelings, because there's a stricture that says depression is unmanly and a sign of weakness. Part of the reason for male resistance to seeking medical help may lie in our culture's expectations. Traditionally, boys are trained to keep their feelings under wraps. Self-reliance and toughness are valued. Real men don't get down and are expected to bear up under adversity. But trust me, real men do suffer from depression, and that's okay because there is help available, from friends, family, and from the medical community. There's nothing wrong with getting treatment, and the best is often a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and antidepressant medication.
- Have a sense of purpose to your life beyond your occupation — a passion, something that guides you, be it love of a sport, a child or grandchild, books, or a social cause.
Men will be men, and much is beyond fixing. They're going to do reckless things, drive fast, and sometimes turn to aggression to cope with their anger and frustration. They just need to balance these traits with common sense. Let me add that other masculine traits, such as their take-charge attitude, leadership abilities, and protective nature, are admirable and why we love them so much.
Excerpted from How Not to Die by Jan Garavaglia, M.D.
Copyright © 2008 by Atlas Media Corp. and Jan Garavaglia, M.D.
Permission granted by Crown Publishers, New York, NY |
