One of the most powerful developmental issues for this age group is the need to assert their independence. Even though your 10-year-old knows that she must come straight home after school, and has internalized many other rules, she will ignore them at times to prove that she can make her own decisions. She will constantly push the envelope and pressure you for more privileges. She will lobby to stay home alone, go to sleep later or see a movie with her friends. Your child is speeding toward adolescence.

Setting limits with this age group is tricky. Here are some effective techniques to keep them safe, while offering them more opportunities to be independent:

• Define the rules clearly. Parents and children tend to fight over the same issues repeatedly. Establish set rules. For instance, tell your child he can only watch television after he finishes his homework. This will cut down on daily battles and constant negotiations.
• Use consequences as a form of punishment when rules are broken. For example, "You broke the window when you threw your ball against the wall. You need to pay for it with your allowance." A consequence related to misbehavior reinforces the message that this behavior is unacceptable.
• Discuss emotions. If your child is speaking angrily, ask him what is upsetting him. Once he expresses his feelings, he will have less of a need to be aggressive.
• At this stage children continue to benefit from rewards. If she keeps forgetting to make her bed, promise your child a trip to the mall when she accomplishes this task every day for a week.