It happens all of a sudden. You are waiting in the carpool lane at your child's school and you get this sickening sense that time is running out, that your dream of being a painter, a successful lawyer, or even just losing a few more pounds will never materialize. Or you are passing your spouse the serving dish at dinner and you suddenly pause, wondering, Why did we get married?
If this scenario sounds familiar, you are probably going through what experts call a "midlife transformation," a change that people between the ages of 35 and 45 undergo as they realize for the first time that they too will kick the bucket at some point.
"People frequently go through a midlife re-evaluation rather than a midlife crisis when they turn 40 because they become profoundly aware of their mortality," says Gene Cohen, M.D., Ph.D., author of The Creative Age: Awakening Human Potential in the Second Half of Life.
Strategies for Getting a Head Start on Your Future:
Ask yourself basic exploratory questions:
- Are you happy with your work?
- Ask yourself what you can do to continue growing.
- Dip into your own creativity and pursue new hobbies.
- Ask friends for suggestions on what interests to pursue.
- Examine lifestyle changes.
- Revitalize your relationship with your spouse or partner.
- Develop an interest in your partner's interests.
The re-evaluation opens up the door for reflection. According to Gail Sheehy, best-selling author of New Passages, people live so long today that they actually get a shot at two adulthoods. The first one, she says, takes place between the ages of 30 to 45, the time we spend brown-nosing people we have to please so we can get what we want. The second adulthood begins in our mid-40s, when we ask ourselves, "is this all there is?" and then embark on a personal, spiritual quest to find new meaning in our lives.
Experts suggest that people start thinking about how they want to spend their second adulthood in their mid-30s to get a head start on setting the groundwork for their future. Consider the following strategies:
- Accept that you are getting older, but don't despair!
Everyone goes through a period of psychological adjustment in their mid-40s until they become comfortable with the changes, both psychological and physical, that aging brings. "When you don't deny age," says Cohen, "you look at what is possible and you begin to plan differently."
